英語(yǔ)笑話大全笑帶翻譯
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英語(yǔ)笑話大全笑帶翻譯篇一：酒后駕車(chē)
Late one night a police officer was patrolling a rowdybar to anticipate possible DUI violations.
一天深夜，一名警察去一個(gè)經(jīng)常有人鬧事的酒吧門(mén)口巡邏，為了避免有酒后駕車(chē)的情況發(fā)生。
At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of thebar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.
酒吧打烊了，他看見(jiàn)一個(gè)家伙跌跌撞撞的跑出來(lái)，一下摔在路邊，隨后又用鑰匙試著開(kāi)了五輛車(chē)的門(mén)才找到他自己的車(chē)。
Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
坐進(jìn)車(chē)?yán)�，好幾分鐘他又都是在摸著那些鑰匙。
Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
這時(shí)人們都從酒吧出來(lái)并且開(kāi)車(chē)走了。最后他也發(fā)動(dòng)了車(chē)子準(zhǔn)備開(kāi)走，
The police officer was waiting for him and turned on his light and pulled the driver over, readhim his rights and administered the breathalyzer test.
警察已經(jīng)等這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)很久了，他打開(kāi)燈，把司機(jī)從車(chē)?yán)锢鰜?lái)，給他宣讀了他所享有的法定權(quán)利，然后作了酒精的測(cè)試。
The test results showed a reading of 0.00.
測(cè)試的結(jié)果是零，
The puzzled officer demanded to know how could that be.
于是困惑的警察問(wèn)他是為什么，
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!"
司機(jī)說(shuō)：“今晚他們派我當(dāng)誘餌。”
英語(yǔ)笑話大全笑帶翻譯篇二：離事故有多遠(yuǎn)?
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accidenthe had witnessed.
一位木匠正在為他目擊的一起事故作證。
The judge asked him how far away he was from theaccident.
法官問(wèn)他當(dāng)時(shí)離事發(fā)現(xiàn)場(chǎng)有多遠(yuǎn)。
The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".
木匠回答，“27英尺，6.5英寸”。
"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.
法官問(wèn)：“什么?你怎么能這樣確定?”
"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.
木匠回答，“是啊，我知道一定會(huì)有傻瓜問(wèn)我這個(gè)問(wèn)題，所以我事先測(cè)量了一下。”
英語(yǔ)笑話大全笑帶翻譯篇三：電子郵件
A man left for a vacation to Jamaica.
有個(gè)人去牙買(mǎi)加度假，
His wife was on a business trip and was planning tomeet him there the next day.
他的妻子正好出差，所以打算在他到之后的第二天去找他。
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail message.
他到了賓館，想要給妻子發(fā)封郵件，
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his bestto type it in from memory.
但是記著郵箱的紙找不到了，于是他憑著記憶把信發(fā)到了一個(gè)郵箱。
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher'swife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
很不幸，他漏掉了一個(gè)字母，因此他的信發(fā)到了一個(gè)老傳教士的妻子的郵箱里，而傳教士恰好在前一天去世了。
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out apiercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
悲痛的老婦人察看郵箱，看著顯示器屏幕她尖叫一聲，隨后就倒在地上死去了。
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest Wife,Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
聽(tīng)到她的聲音，家人趕忙跑進(jìn)她的房間，只見(jiàn)這樣一句話顯示在屏幕上：“親愛(ài)的，快來(lái)吧。為了你明天的.到來(lái)，一切都準(zhǔn)備好了。愛(ài)你的丈夫。
Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here."
順便說(shuō)一句，這里可真夠熱的。”
英語(yǔ)笑話大全笑帶翻譯篇四：
A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry, honked his horn .
"If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by. "What was it you wouldn't have liked to have done back there?" asked the farmer's son.
"Back up two miles," replied the farmer.
一位農(nóng)夫和他的兒子乘坐輕便馬車(chē)來(lái)到一段窄路，他們遇到一個(gè)開(kāi)車(chē)的人向相反的方向去。兩個(gè)方向的兩英里以?xún)?nèi)都沒(méi)有地方可以使他們相擦而過(guò)。駕車(chē)人甚是著急，按響了喇叭。 “如果你不后退，”農(nóng)夫說(shuō)著擼起了袖子，“我可不喜歡我將不得不做的事。”司機(jī)吃驚不小，掛上倒擋，向后退了兩英里，讓輕便馬車(chē)先過(guò)去。
“剛才在那兒你說(shuō)過(guò)的你不喜歡要做的事是什么?”農(nóng)夫的兒子問(wèn)道。
“退后兩英里，”農(nóng)夫回答道。
英語(yǔ)笑話大全笑帶翻譯篇五：
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.
從前有一個(gè)近乎失明的小老太，她有三個(gè)兒子，每一個(gè)都想向母親證明自己對(duì)她最好。
Son 1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.
第一個(gè)兒子為她買(mǎi)下一棟有15個(gè)房間的大屋，他覺(jué)得這是對(duì)母親最好的孝順?lè)绞�，其他兄弟都比不上�?/p>
Son 2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.
二兒子為她買(mǎi)了一輛漂亮的奔馳，還配了個(gè)司機(jī)。他也覺(jué)得他一定會(huì)贏了。
Son 3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.
老三為母親買(mǎi)了一只鸚鵡。這只鸚鵡接受了15年的訓(xùn)練，能一字不落地背誦整部圣經(jīng)，并且不論你問(wèn)他什么，他都能從圣經(jīng)里原句引出。
Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway." Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car."
這位老太太對(duì)他的第一個(gè)兒子說(shuō)：“孩子，你買(mǎi)的房子很棒。但是它太大了，我只能睡一間屋，還要花時(shí)間去 打理剩下的房間，謝謝你，但我實(shí)在不需要它。”接著她對(duì)二兒子說(shuō)：“你的車(chē)也很好，再不能找到比那更棒的車(chē)了，但我不會(huì)開(kāi)車(chē)，也不喜歡那個(gè)司機(jī)，所以你把它拿去推了吧!”
Next, she went to Son 3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."
最后，她對(duì)她的小兒子說(shuō)：“孩子，我要感謝你最棒的禮物!那只雞實(shí)在是美味啊!”
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