絕對(duì)逗笑你的爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話

　　愛(ài)笑的人，運(yùn)氣總不會(huì)太差，因?yàn)樾�可以讓人充滿正能量，更能讓自己面對(duì)挫折，勇往直前，這里YJBYS小編收集整理了絕對(duì)逗笑你的爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話，讓你爆笑每一天。

　　1 One real man

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴(yán)格地，嚴(yán)厲地).

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

　　Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　一個(gè)真正的男子漢

　　古代有一個(gè)國(guó)王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說(shuō)的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國(guó)里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說(shuō)，哪個(gè)男人膽敢不說(shuō)實(shí)話，就會(huì)受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。

　　然后，他叫所有聽(tīng)從妻子的命令和意見(jiàn)的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個(gè)小個(gè)子男人站到了右側(cè)。

　　國(guó)王說(shuō)：看到我們國(guó)家里還有一個(gè)真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個(gè)人站在大廳的右側(cè)。

　　陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因?yàn)樵谖页鲩T(mén)之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。

　　2 Once there was a king. He likes to write stories, but his stories were not good. As people were afraid of him, they all said his stories were good.

　　One day the king showed his stories to a famous writer. He waited the writer to praise these stories. But the writer said his stories were so bad that he should throw them into fire. The king got very angry with him and sent him to prison.

　　After some time, the king set him free. Again he showed him some of his new stories and asked what he thought of them.

　　After reading them, the writer at once turned to the soldiers and said: “ Take me back to prison, please.”

　　國(guó)王和他的故事

　　從前有一個(gè)國(guó)王，他喜歡寫(xiě)故事，但是他寫(xiě)的故事很不好。人們怕他，都說(shuō)他的故事好。有一天國(guó)王把他的故事給一名作家看，他想要作家贊揚(yáng)他的這些故事，而作家說(shuō)他的故事是如此的差以至于該扔進(jìn)火里。國(guó)王很生氣，把他送到監(jiān)獄。

　　過(guò)了些日子，國(guó)王給了作家自由。國(guó)王重新將自己的一些新故事給作家看并問(wèn)他感覺(jué)怎么樣。

　　作家看了之后立刻轉(zhuǎn)身對(duì)士兵說(shuō)著;“請(qǐng)把我送回監(jiān)獄吧。”

　　3 Once a simpleton’s wife told him to buy some ice.

　　Two hours later, he didn’t come back. She wanted to know why he didn’t come back and went out to have a look. She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and watching the ice melting.

　　“What’s the matter?” She asked him. “Why don’t you bring it in?”

　　“I saw the ice was wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I’m running it dry.” The simpleton answered.

　　從前有一個(gè)笨人的妻子讓她的丈夫買(mǎi)幾塊冰。

　　兩個(gè)小時(shí)后，他還沒(méi)回來(lái)。

　　她想知道他為什么沒(méi)回來(lái)，就出去看了看，發(fā)現(xiàn)她的丈夫在門(mén)口站著，在太陽(yáng)下曬冰，看著冰融化。

　　她問(wèn)他：“怎么啦?你為什么不把它拿進(jìn)來(lái)?”

　　“我看見(jiàn)冰是濕的，恐怕你會(huì)訓(xùn)斥我，因此，我正在把它曬干。”笨人回答道。

　　4 A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn?t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, Don't worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money.And the lawyer was right. When The man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.

　　一個(gè)男子因?yàn)榍滞坦椭鲾?shù)百萬(wàn)元被抓,他去尋求律師辯護(hù)。他不想進(jìn)監(jiān)獄。但是，他的律師告訴他，“不要擔(dān)心。你將永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)和這些錢(qián)一起入獄。律師是正確的。當(dāng)男子被送往監(jiān)獄，他沒(méi)有剩一分錢(qián)。

　　5 A Brain TransplantThe Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant. You have your choice of two brains, he told the patien. For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician. The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. Is the brain of a politician that much better? he asked. The Brain Surgeon replied, No, it’s not better, just unused.

　　腦移植手術(shù)一個(gè)外科醫(yī)生正要作一個(gè)腦移植手術(shù)。 你可以從兩個(gè)腦子中選一個(gè)給你。醫(yī)生告訴病人，一個(gè)心理學(xué)家的大腦1000美元，一個(gè)政治家的大腦10000美元。 病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，政治家的大腦好一些嗎?他問(wèn)。 醫(yī)生說(shuō)，不是好一些，只是沒(méi)有用過(guò)。

　　6 A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all.

　　His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

　　"But why?" asks the man.

　　"I'm a divorce lawyer."

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