經(jīng)典兒童爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話

　　英語(yǔ)笑話是精神的緩沖劑，使遭遇困境的一方擺脫困境，有效地化干戈為玉帛。下面由YJBYS小編為您整理的英語(yǔ)笑話大集合。

　　現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)了

　　The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud."

　　"How will that help?" said the second boy.

　　"Just do it," insisted the first.

　　Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, "Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"

　　兩個(gè)男孩子在后院露營(yíng)，他們不知道到了晚上幾點(diǎn)鐘。于是，一個(gè)男孩對(duì)另外一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我們開(kāi)始大聲唱歌就行了。”

　　“那就會(huì)知道時(shí)間嗎?”第二個(gè)男孩問(wèn)。

　　“只管唱吧。”第一個(gè)堅(jiān)持道。

　　兩個(gè)孩子開(kāi)始大聲唱歌，過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)鄰居打開(kāi)窗戶(hù)喊道：“小聲點(diǎn)!你們不知道現(xiàn)在是凌晨三點(diǎn)嗎?”

　　是我把他晾干

　　Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

　　When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

　　"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

　　Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

　　Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的.病人。一天，他們沿著醫(yī)院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水區(qū)，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潛到水底，把Jim拉了上來(lái)。

　　當(dāng)院長(zhǎng)聽(tīng)聞了Mary的英勇行為后，他立刻翻看了她的病歷檔案,把她叫進(jìn)了自己的辦公室.

　　“Mary，我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息要告訴你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，這說(shuō)明你的意識(shí)已經(jīng)恢復(fù)了，你可以出院了。壞消息就是，Jim，你救的那個(gè)病人，他還是用自己的浴袍帶子在浴室上吊自殺了。”

　　Mary說(shuō)：“他沒(méi)有自殺，是我把他吊起來(lái)好讓他晾干。”

　　停止打你老婆

　　This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.

　　One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.

　　“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”

　　“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness.

　　“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.

　　“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：Have you ceased beating your wife?”

　　這個(gè)故事講的是一個(gè)咄咄逼人的辯護(hù)律師，他慣于盡量去恐嚇對(duì)方的證人。

　　有一個(gè)證人有點(diǎn)傾向于在回答問(wèn)題之前做冗長(zhǎng)的解釋。

　　“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辯護(hù)律師怒喝道： “你沒(méi)有必要就這個(gè)問(wèn)題進(jìn)行爭(zhēng)論。”

　　“可是有些問(wèn)題無(wú)法用‘是’或者‘不是’來(lái)回答。”這位證人溫和地回敬他。

　　“不存在這樣的問(wèn)題!”律師厲聲打斷他。

　　“噢，”證人說(shuō)：“那么請(qǐng)你回答這個(gè)問(wèn)題：你停止打你老婆了嗎?”

　　錢(qián)不用找了

　　Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

　　在教堂的義賣(mài)市上賣(mài)舊書(shū)時(shí)，我與一名準(zhǔn)備買(mǎi)東西的顧客發(fā)生了一場(chǎng)爭(zhēng)論。他對(duì)購(gòu)買(mǎi)袖珍奧金.納什集頗感興趣，但是說(shuō)它要三十五美分開(kāi)價(jià)過(guò)高。其它的平裝書(shū)每本才賣(mài)十或十五美分。

　　I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.

　　我指出這本書(shū)保存狀況頗好，納什是個(gè)有趣的詩(shī)人，這個(gè)要價(jià)是合理的。他說(shuō)這是個(gè)原則問(wèn)題。最終，我同意以十五美分的價(jià)格將這本書(shū)賣(mài)給他。他得意洋洋，拿出一張十美元的票子付帳。“零錢(qián)不用找了。”他說(shuō)。

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