民族短笑話爆笑的

時(shí)間：2020-10-22 09:10:49 爆笑笑話我要投稿

民族短笑話爆笑的

　　民族短笑話爆笑的一：

民族短笑話爆笑的

　　真有一巴掌拍死他的沖動(dòng)

　　男朋友昨晚睡覺睡得好好，突然一下把我緊緊的抱著，呢喃了一句“還好，你還在。”瞬間哭的稀里嘩啦的，結(jié)果這貨來(lái)了句，“都說(shuō)了，這頭豬我不賣。”

　　這個(gè)你就放心吧

　　最近在網(wǎng)上看了很多關(guān)于閨密撕逼的貼，今天我跟閨密開玩笑說(shuō)：“女人之間真的好可怕，咱們平時(shí)這么相親相愛，說(shuō)不定哪一天你就在別人面前說(shuō)我綠茶婊了呢。”閨密聽后眼神堅(jiān)定望著我說(shuō)：“這個(gè)你就放心吧，綠茶婊，首先顏要過(guò)得去，像你長(zhǎng)這樣，怎么婊也沒人去理會(huì)你。”

　　你想讓我出來(lái)就趕緊消失在我眼前

　　一男一女被人追殺，跑著跑著，遇見一條墻縫，女的把衣服脫了才鉆過(guò)去，男的鉆到一半卡住了。女：用力啊，就差一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)。男：你走啊女：我怎么可以扔下你不管。男：你想讓我出來(lái)就趕緊消失在我眼前。

　　你姐是個(gè)雕

　　昨天跟姐姐，姐夫一起去看撒嬌女人最好命，然后電影中說(shuō)男人都喜歡小鳥依人的女人，然后我就問(wèn)我姐夫，我姐是不是小鳥依人的，姐夫神回復(fù)，你姐是個(gè)雕!

　　我不會(huì)欺負(fù)它的

　　女兒毛毛特調(diào)皮，比男孩子還男孩子。星期天我?guī)?dòng)物園玩耍，在接近一個(gè)關(guān)東北虎的鐵籠子時(shí)，我提醒毛毛：“離它遠(yuǎn)點(diǎn)!”毛毛聞聽，幽幽地接話道：“媽媽，沒事。我今天心情好，不會(huì)欺負(fù)它的!”

　　兒子想要什么樣的老婆

　　一天，媽媽問(wèn)兒子：“你將來(lái)想找個(gè)什么樣的.老婆啊?”兒子仰起臉天真的說(shuō)：“我要找個(gè)像媽媽這樣的!”媽媽很高興的繼續(xù)問(wèn)：“為什么啊?”兒子說(shuō)：“這樣，我以后有外遇老婆也發(fā)現(xiàn)不了。”

　　給我滾遠(yuǎn)點(diǎn)

　　老師：“國(guó)旗就像我們的母親，我們要像愛護(hù)母親一樣愛護(hù)國(guó)旗。” 小明：“你把你媽吊起來(lái)掛桿子上啊!” 老師：“滾出去!”

　　當(dāng)事人和肇事者

　　老婆懷孕了，老公想陪她一起到醫(yī)院做個(gè)檢查，恰好有事去不了，只能讓她一個(gè)人去了�；氐郊�，老公問(wèn)老婆檢醫(yī)生怎么說(shuō)。老婆滿臉不悅的道：“醫(yī)生說(shuō)，怎么當(dāng)事人一個(gè)人來(lái)了，肇事者沒有陪同啊?!”

　　民族短笑話爆笑的二：

　　Easy or Not

　　Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".

　　"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"

　　一位婦女把車沿著我們銀行的驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口開過(guò)來(lái)，可她并不滿意于她停的位置。因此她倒車，靠得更近點(diǎn)。還是不滿意，倒車，再來(lái)。五次努力后，終于她把車停下來(lái)，搖下車窗。我簡(jiǎn)單地問(wèn)候她一聲“早上好”。

　　“早上好，”她愉快地回答說(shuō)，“以后我都要使用這種驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口。真是如此的方便。”

　　假如我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理

　　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.

　　一天課上，老師要同學(xué)們以如果我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理為題寫一篇作文。所有的學(xué)生都在動(dòng)筆寫了，只有一個(gè)男生例外。老師走過(guò)去問(wèn)他為什么不寫。我在等我的秘書。那孩子答道。

　　A Life for a Life(以“命”抵命)

　　The English author，Richard Savage，was once living in London in great poverty.In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life，but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops，and Savage was living from hand tomouth.As a result of his lack of food he became very ill，butafter a time，owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him，he got well again.After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits， but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it.The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again. But still no money came. Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money.Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment，saying to Savage，“You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.” “I agree，” said Savage，“that I owe my life to you， and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled，The life of Richard Savage.

　　英國(guó)作家理查德·薩維奇一度在倫敦過(guò)著貧困潦倒的生活，為了賺幾個(gè)錢，他曾寫了有關(guān)他自己生平的故事。但是這部書在書店里并沒有賣出幾本，薩維奇過(guò)著朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物，他病得很厲害。后來(lái)，由于給他治療的那個(gè)醫(yī)生的高明醫(yī)術(shù)，他才又恢復(fù)了健康。過(guò)了一兩個(gè)星期之后，醫(yī)生給薩維奇送來(lái)了一張討要診費(fèi)的帳單，但是貧窮的薩維奇沒有錢來(lái)償付。醫(yī)生等了一個(gè)月后又送來(lái)了帳單，但仍然未索回分文。幾個(gè)星期之后，他又送來(lái)帳單要錢。最后，醫(yī)生本人來(lái)到了薩維奇的家中，對(duì)他說(shuō)：“你明白，你是欠我一條命的，我希望你有所報(bào)答。” “是的，”薩維奇說(shuō)，“我是欠你一條命，為了向你證明我對(duì)你的診治不是不報(bào)答，我將把我的命給你。” 說(shuō)著這番話，薩維奇遞給醫(yī)生兩卷書，名叫《理查德·薩維奇的一生》。

　　What Was It She Wanted?

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer.“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon.” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now whatwas it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.

　　一個(gè)商店經(jīng)理聽見一個(gè)店員對(duì)顧客說(shuō)：“不，夫人，這會(huì)兒沒有，一時(shí)半會(huì)兒看來(lái)也不會(huì)有。”經(jīng)理驚恐萬(wàn)分地跑到顧客跟前說(shuō)：“當(dāng)然，馬上就會(huì)有的。我們上周訂了貨。”然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)不要說(shuō)我們沒有什么——說(shuō)我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到。現(xiàn)在你說(shuō)她要買什么?” “雨，”店員說(shuō)。

　　A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買鸚鵡

　　A preacher is buying a parrot

　　Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.

　　Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.

　　Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.

　　Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?

　　I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.

　　一個(gè)傳教士在買鸚鵡

　　“你確信它不會(huì)尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問(wèn)。

　　“哦，絕對(duì)不會(huì)。它是一只虔誠(chéng)的鸚鵡。”店主保證說(shuō)。

　　“你看見它腿上的這些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)右面的這根，它會(huì)背誦天主經(jīng)，當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)左面的那根，它會(huì)背誦贊美詩(shī)”

　　“太棒了!”傳教士說(shuō)，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩條繩子，會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?”

　　“我會(huì)從樹干上掉下去的，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說(shuō)道。

　　再愛我一次

　　大林下班回家太晚了，老婆破口大罵。大林小聲辯解：“結(jié)婚前愛得死去活來(lái)，結(jié)婚后簡(jiǎn)直是判若兩人!你就不能再愛我一次?”老婆聽了，聲音更大了：“你個(gè)王八蛋!”“我是讓你愛我，不是讓你罵我!”老婆振振有詞：“打是親，罵是愛嘛!要不我再親你一次?”

　　等價(jià)交換.

　　甲：你老婆不是要你戒煙嗎?怎么又抽上了呢?乙：跟老婆進(jìn)行等價(jià)交換!